Kittycat Charade
by Shinigami-Starfish
Summary: Spike and Faye have never gotten along with each other. But one stubborn Indian is determined to bring the two together. How? By making them live in each other's shoes, of course!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** YAY! This is my best friend's and my first fic together!! This is how it's gonna work, I write one chapter, she writes the next one and the very last chapter we write together!! :) This one was written by Anubis-Shinigami! Enjoy!!:)

**Disclaimer:** We sadly do not own this awesome anime!!!

**Chapter 1:** Man, I Feel Like a Woman

* * *

A lone ancient Indian chief sat in front of his tent. He closed his eyes and meditated on the stars while sand was pouring from his left hand into four separate puddles. He murmured something in his ancient tongue before saying:

"Sometimes those who are different are the same.

The Great Spirit watches us all from above.

Sometimes those who are the same are to blame;

They cause the heavens to crisscross all love.

Many do not realize what they ought,

They seek one that cannot be sought."

"Father, what are you doing?" A young boy asked as he looked up at the ancient Indian.

"Bringing two souls together by separation."

* * *

"Look, Faye, how many times do I have to tell you?! Stop blowing off MY share of the bounty at the racetrack! That's what you have yours for!"

"I need MY share to buy ME food and other womanly things!"

"I don't give a damn! Now what am I going to do?! I'm hungry!"

"Jet made bell peppers and beef, so eat that!"

"Bell peppers and beef is supposed to have BEEF, Jet makes his without it!"

"Well, deal with it! You're a man – tough it out!!"

"MEOOOOOOOWWWW!! BARK BARK!! Tehee Faye-Faye and Spike fight like cats and doggies!!!" Ed said as she kept imitating both Faye and Spike.

"Shut up, Ed!" Both Faye and Spike yelled at her. They then glared at each other, as if insulted that they had one thought in their heads that matched the other's.

"I'm going out!" Faye and Spike yelled at the same time. They both glared at each other again and then stomped off to their separate rooms. As soon as they left, Ed tumble-rolled to where Ein was.

"It's alright Ein, you can come out now. Faye-faye and Spike left," as soon as Ed said that, Ein cautiously crawled out from under the desk he was hiding under.

Meanwhile in another room . . .

"Good riddance. I knew I should have put that sleeping potion in both of their drinks," Jet mumbled as he rolled over and put the pillow on his head, covering his ears.

* * *

_Let's see what do I need . . ._ Faye thought as she grabbed a bag. She started to rummage through all of her things. _ Hmmm toothbrush, toothpaste, more toiletries, lingerie . . .hm? This might come in use . . ._ Faye smirked as she picked up her pepper spray. She then tossed it into her bag.

'THUD'

"What was that?" Faye asked herself. Shortly, after she heard a string of curses. Faye sighed. _Some people are born with incurable diseases. Why did Spike's have to be stupidity?_

She proceeded to grab many things including clothes and lots of ammunition and tossed them into her bag. When she thought she was all packed, She started for the door. Right before she left, she quickly grabbed her tranquilizer gun.

* * *

_Ok, I need . . .ummm what do I need? _Spike asked himself as he stood in the middle of the room and scratched his head. _How is it possible to even find anything in my room?! Maybe Jet is right, I need to start cleaning my room. _Just as Spike said that, he saw something dash across his room.

"What the – ?!" Spike quickly grabbed a broom, which really came from nowhere, and started whacking his floor with it. Then again, in Spike's room, there really was no floor to speak of. Clothes and other objects covered the floor almost knee-deep.

"HA! I got ya!" Spike told himself as he was convinced the intruder was killed. Just then, he was bitten by something. "OW! What the – ?! Spike said as he turned around. Unfortunately, as he tuned around, his other leg caught on something. This resulted in Spike's falling and a large 'thud' echoing throughout the ship.

"Fucking Shit!!!" Began Spike's river of curses. Luckily, his fall was broken by the layer of clothes which littered the floor. As Spike was lying in his mountain of clothes, he looked around.

"Hey! I've been looking for this for two months now!" Spike said happily as he sat up and grabbed a key from the vortex of mess.

"I can't believe it! I found the spare key to my ship!!" Spike got up and took his relatively small bag which contained only his toothbrush, toothpaste and ammunition for his gun. He started to look around for the other key to his ship.

Spike looked at the table from which he got his bag and he remembered that he left the key to his ship there. It took the putting of two brain cells in order for Spike to realize that the key he was holding wasn't the spare, but the one he'd been having for the past two months WHILE he was looking for the spare.

"WHAT THE HELL!!!!" Spike fumed. In his anger he stomped out of his room door. Unluckily for him, he saw the face of the person that made him angrier that anything else could.

"Well someone's not in a good mood," Faye teased, knowing full well that she was pissing Spike off even more.

"SHUT UP!! There are three things I hate in the world – animals, children, and bitchy WOMEN!" Spike yelled at Faye as he pointed and accusatory finger at her. Faye merely smirked as she started to walk toward her ship.

"You go that way and I'll go the other way!" Spike yelled at Faye. Spike stopped walking as Faye continued on her way. _Wait a minute . . ._

_1. . .2 . . ._ Faye started to count in her mind.

_There is only __ONE__ way to get to the ship dock! DAMN IT!!_ Spike curse himself.

_3 . . ._ Faye finished her counting as Spike started walking in the other direction, toward Faye. Faye smirked.

"Wow, so you really do have two brain cells to rub together. You surprise me, Spike," Faye taunted.

"Shut up, Faye, " Spike said as calmly as he could. By now he had finally caught up with Faye, and they started to walk in silence. And it wasn't companionable. After a while something caught Spike from the corner of his eye. He slightly turned his head to Faye's direction. Well, the good news is that Spike figured out what had caught his attention. The bad news is that it was Faye's boobs' bouncing.

_I wonder if they're soft or squishy. . ._ Spike found himself thinking. After a while of looking at them, he noticed that Faye was glaring at him. He quickly turned away, and to his relief he realized that they were at the dock. He quickly parted from Faye and got into his ship and got it prepared for take off.

_Pervert . . ._ Faye thought as she got into her ship. She purposely maneuvered her ship in front of Spike's. Basically, Spike couldn't fly off until Faye did. And Faye took her time getting ready to take off. She stretched, opened her cockpit and lazily slinked into it. She turned her ship on and spent at least five minutes on deciding what station she wanted to listen to.

_Hurry up, Faye. I'm hungry . . .Wait, I don't have any money to buy food . . ._ Spike growled as he sat in his cockpit. He was ready to take off. He crossed his arms and glared at Faye. Finally, Faye turned to look at Spike, grinned, and finally took off.

* * *

Faye sighed with happiness as she arrived at her favorite place: the racetrack. She "parked" her ship in the parking lot merely by landing it. She didn't particularly care if she took up more than three parking spaces as well as some of the road. Besides, if she hurried she could get to watch the first race AND bet on it. Within a few minutes of walking, Faye was at the betting booth.

"Oh, hello, Miss. Who will it be for you today?" Faye stopped to think. She looked at the stats of the running hounds.

"Hmm I think I shall take number two today," Faye answered, her hope of winning growing by the minute.

"Alright then, how much?"

"I think . . .80,000 woolongs."

"80,000?! A bit much don't you say?"

"No, I'm feeling lucky today!" The booth manager stopped himself from heaving a sigh. _Poor girl, she says that every time she bets . . . and she loses every time._ "Alright, then. Here's your receipt," the man said as she handed a slip of paper to Faye. Faye smiled and happily walked over to where the race was already beginning.

* * *

Spike spotted a village which came up on his radar. _Hmm maybe they have some good food_ Spike thought, ignoring the fact that he had no money. He landed his ship right outside of the village. As he got out, he regretted having parked his ship this far out. The desert was burning up, the smoldering heat started to creep up on Spike's brain.

"I hate the outdoors, " Spike mumbled as he shoved his hands into his coat pockets and continued to walk toward the village. By the time he got there, the sun was even higher up in the sky then when he arrived on the planet. Spike groaned and started to look round for a place to eat, any place. By this time, Spike wasn't too picky about what he should eat.

Spike's eyes almost lit up as he spotted a tavern. Taverns are famous for alcoholic drinks. And where there's alcohol, there's going to be food. At least, that was Spike's train of thought. Spike quickly walked toward the tavern and ignored all the looks he was getting. His eyes seemed like those of an angry wolf.

He entered the tavern with surprising speed. He found a table and sat down. Spike waited patiently for five whole seconds before a waitress came over

"Hello, what will it be for you today?" she asked politely. Spike picked up a menu and glanced through it. It only had three items on it.

"Everything you've got, please," Spike said politely as he smiled wide. "And could you please cook it as fast as you can?" The waitress almost dropped her notebook.

"A-alright then. I'll see how fast we can cook this up," she answered quickly before dashing off to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later, Spike was looking at a full course meal.

* * *

Faye continued to jump up and down, ignoring the lusty looks men were giving her. _ I can't believe it! Number two actually won! I __WON_ Faye happily walked off to where she would collect her winnings.

"Well, miss, looks like you were right! Congratulations!" the toll booth manager told Faye as he handed her a wad of cash. He was genuinely happy because he had seen Faye come and go and lose more than she had ever won. Faye just smiled, took her money and said 'thanks' before walking back to her ship. _This calls for a celebration_

By the time Faye got to her ship, she had already counted all of her money, twice. She had a total of 380,000 woolongs. She got into her ship and took off. Faye relaxed to the beat of the music which was playing. She heard a long intermittent beep.

"Huh? Oh, I'm getting a call." Faye told herself as she looked at the video phone. She looked at the source. "Oh, it's just Jet. I'll call him back later." At the moment, Faye wanted to relish in her success.

* * *

"What the hell?! Where did he go?!" the waitress snapped at no one in particular.

_And I do it again, _Spike smugly thought to himself. He had AGAIN successfully sneaked out of paying his bills. Spike found energy to get himself to one of the rooms in the tavern. If he wanted to he could sneak out the window later. By the time Spike finally got to one of the rooms, he was already getting sleepy.

_I suppose it won't hurt if I take a minor nap . . ._

* * *

"What'll it be, miss?" the bartender asked Faye. Faye sat down on the barstool.

"A bloody Mary please," Faye answered as she smiled. Her smile soon turned into a frown. The man sitting next to her had touched her butt. After he did, she thought of Spike and this perverted man. She remembered a saying, "God gave all men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time."

"Perverted fool," Faye simply said as she easily knocked him off his stool, successfully rendering him unconscious once he hit his head on the floor.

"Here you go, miss," the bartender said as he handed Faye her glass. The bartender pretended to ignore the unconscious man on the floor.

A few drink later, Faye not only felt tipsy, but also sleepy. By this time, she had somehow found herself off the barstool and in the upstairs region. She stumbled into a door and once she found that it wasn't locked, she went in. It took a lot of stumbling before she finally got to the bed and laid down. The soft and warm bed sheets practically invited her to sleep.

* * *

Light streamed in through the windows. Spike rolled over, successfully tangling himself in the bed sheets. After a few minutes of debate, Spike decided to get up and start his day. Being the lazy bum he was, Spike simply got up and left the room. He neither bothered to make the bed nor to fix his hair.

_Hmmm, I don't really remember these stairs . . .they look kinda different. Oh well, I smell breakfast._

As soon as Spike was almost downstairs, he took a cautious look around. After he realized that last night's waitress wasn't around, he proceeded to go downstairs.

"Good morning, shall I make you breakfast?" Spike looked into the direction of the voice. It was a middle aged bartender. Spike simply nodded.

It took Spike only five minutes to finish his breakfast. _I really need to go . . ._Spike thought to himself as he started to look around the tavern for the restroom. After he spotted it in the corner, he proceeded towards it. On his way to the restroom, Spike got slapped on the butt by some random man while yet another pinched it.

"What the hell?!" Spike yelled. As soon as those words came out of his mouth, Spike realized something was wrong. _Why is my voice that high?! My voice isn't supposed to be cracking at this age!!_ In his confusion, Spike went into the mens' restroom and looked into the mirror. However, the face that was staring at him didn't belong to him, it belonged to—

"FAYE?!"

* * *

Penetrating light woke Faye from her peaceful slumber. She groggily opened her eyes and regretted that at the same time. She rolled over, messing the sheets even more as she did.

_Like drinking, hate hangover,. _Faye thought as she realized it was no use trying to go back to sleep. After five minutes of just laying there, she got up and started to search for her bag.

_That's funny, it's not anywhere. I could have sworn I left it around her somewhere . . ._

Forgetting her bag for a moment, Faye made her way to the bathroom. She didn't even bother to look at herself in the mirror. _I probably look hideous. I always do in the morning._ Without even thinking, Faye took off her shirt and pants.

_Wait a minute, I don't remember wearing pants when I went to sleep. Was I that drunk?_ Faye started to look down in order that she could see the pants and say if they belonged to her or not. She found something down there, alright, but it wasn't what she thought it was.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Faye screamed. She clutched her throat. _Why's my voice so deep?!_ Faye quickly turned to look in the mirror.

"SPIKE?!"

* * *

**End Notes:**:) So what did you think?! I'm really excited because this is my FIRST co-written fic!! I hope you all enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: You would not believe the amount of blood, sweat, and tears that I put into this—not to mention a whole bunch of whining! Yes, yes, BAD unique-purple-starfish for being too scared to write something other than her Rurouni Kenshin humor fics. Oh well. Here's my pathetic attempt to write something different. Oh, and kudos to Anubis-Shinigami. I can't write action scenes to save my life. So I got some help. So what?

**Disclaimer**: Ask Anubis-Shinigami. We. Don't. Own. Cowboy. Bebop.

* * *

Chapter 2

Faye blinked. _Okay, calm down…there has GOT to be a plausible explanation for this...maybe I should lay off the alcohol. But how would that explain the extra body part I saw down there? _She shuddered. A more important problem hit her then. _And how do I work that thing?_

She stared at the image reflected in the mirror, yanking at her—his—hair. Perhaps it would distort the image, and she would begin to see herself again—but no, it was still Spike's reflection.

Realizing that there was no way for her to solve this on her own, she decided that she would have to head back to the Bebop—wait! _CRAP!_ As she kicked the door open, she noticed that the room she was in was different. _Of course! I'm where Spike was when…we…switched…_She would have to figure out where the Swordfish was just as much as she would have to figure out how to eliminate bodily wastes.

Angrily, she shut the door and headed into the hallway, checking to make sure she had Spike's keys with her. She was met by an angry waitress.

"Excuse me," Faye said politely, as she attempted to pass the waitress.

"I don't think so. You've got a bill to pay." The woman stood in front of Faye and crossed her arms.

"I think you have the wrong…" Faye began—but then, she remembered. _Oh, Spike, you ASS! Skipping bills when…oh…I was the one that took his money. Damn._

"I'm waiting. Do you realize that if you don't pay for the food, _I _have to? So pay up!"

"Er…" Faye resorted to the only plan she had.

* * *

"Hey, Ed. Do you know where Faye and Spike went?" Jet asked.

"Faye-faye and Spike went bye-bye!"

"Oh. They're usually back by now. Do you know _where_ they went?"

"Nope, nope, nope! Ed doesn't know!"

* * *

After hours of searching for Spike's Swordfish, Faye finally found it. She was beginning to feel a little guilty about the incident with the waitress. _Well…she was in my way! Who wouldn't have knocked her out?_ She felt another twinge of guilt as a memory of an unconscious waitress stuffed into a broom closet flashed across her mind. Faye shook her head and clambered into the cockpit.

_Anyways, I have more pressing matters to think about at the moment…_

Faye put the key into the ignition.

* * *

Spike stared at the reflection, horror written all over his—Faye's—face. His expression lightened as soon as his attention began focusing on something else. Two somethings, actually. _Hmmmm__, these boobs are amusing!_

He shrugged, deciding that it would be best to fly back to the Bebop to discuss things with Faye, as much as he hated the very thought of doing so.

He began walking, noting that the boobs would bounce jauntily with every step he took. It didn't feel very comfortable, and he made a mental note to ask Faye about it later. If anything good came out of this, it was that there were no murderous waitresses around to demand his nonexistent money. That would be Faye's problem. He chuckled. _What goes around, comes around…_

After enduring many butt pinches/slaps/gropes, Spike finally made his way through the crowd and into the parking lot.

Faye's ship was easy enough to find—it was the one that took up about five parking spaces. Spike shook his head. _Women_.

He pulled out Faye's keys and climbed in.

* * *

"FAYE?!"

"SPIKE?!"

"WHAT?!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"WHAT DID _YOU_ DO?!"

Jet sighed. _Well, they're back…_Hang on. That was odd. Jet could have sworn that he heard Spike yelling his own name and Faye yelling _her_ own name. He shrugged, deciding that he probably heard wrong and that this was just a normal argument between the two.

He heard two doors being slammed simultaneously. _That would mean that they have gone to their rooms…_

* * *

Faye poked her head out of her door. _Jet would find it odd if he found us in the wrong rooms…I'm going to have to kick Spike out of his room…_ Faye wrinkled her nose. She had only been in his room once, and one time was already enough.

It seemed that Spike had the same idea, because he had poked his head out of his room as well.

"Let's try this again," they said to each other at the same time.

Deciding to ignore how alike their minds were, they walked to each other's rooms, and both proceeded to slam their doors shut—at the same time.

* * *

Faye poked her head out of the door again. She had a few pressing questions she needed to ask Spike about how…a man's body worked. It seemed that, once again, Spike had the same idea, since _he_ had done the same. 

"Uh…Spike? I…how do you…you know, pee?" Faye asked.

"It's easy. Just aim and shoot."

"Like a gun?"

"Yup. Like a gun."

"Gotcha."

"HEY! IT'S DINNER TIME, YOU TWO!" Jet called.

"COMING!" Faye turned to Spike. "Anything else that's special about the male body that I need to worry about?"

Spike thought for a moment. "Nope, not really…"

"Okay, then…" Faye turned to leave.

"Oh, and Faye?"

"What?"

"Do your…ah…_coconuts_ always bounce when you walk?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"OOOH! They're perky!" Spike said, laughing. He poked them with his index finger. Faye shook her head.

"Pervert."

"Takes one to know one."

They walked down to dinner.

* * *

Jet stared. "Uh…Faye?"

'Faye' (Spike) looked up from his bowl, food dotting his, face, the table, and anywhere that was even remotely close to him. "What?" Bits of food sprayed out of his mouth, and he attempted unsuccessfully to hide this by wiping it up with the end of Faye's sleeve. Jet wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Are you…okay?"

"Yeah, sure…why?"

"Uh…" Jet turned to look at 'Spike' (Faye), who, oddly enough, was eating very politely. "Did you two get a personality change or something? What's going on?"

Ed laughed. "Tehee! Ed thinks that Faye-faye and Spike switched bodies!" She handed a scrap of food to Ein.

Faye, who had not been paying attention to the conversation, chose that very moment to address Spike. "Hey, you big lug. Stop eating so much! You're going to make me fat!"

Spike froze.

Jet looked at Faye. "What did you say, Spike? Faye's going to make you fat by eating too much?"

Faye immediately turned red. "Er…I meant…make _her_ fat…yeah…uh…um…" Faye grabbed a pile of plates and walked as fast as she could to the sink. "I'll just…go…wash these…"

"HEY! I wasn't done with that!" Spike said mournfully, as he watched Faye take the remains of his meal. He was met with a stony glare from Faye before she left the dining area.

Spike was left alone to face Jet. "So, what was _that_ about?" Jet asked.

"Oh, uh…you know Spike. He probably got hungry and ate one of those mushrooms again. I mean, honestly. Me, make _him_ fat? Right? Heh, heh…I better shut up now…"

Jet agreed.

* * *

Taking a shower was the worst part. Actually, for Spike, it was quite amusing. Throughout the entirety of his shower, he amused himself by poking Faye's…uh…_coconuts_ and thinking about how 'perky' they were.

Faye, on the other hand, tried not to look…down…during her shower. It was hard not to, since she had to wash that area, too.

Going to the restroom was a different matter entirely. Deciding to take Spike's oh so eloquent advice on the matter, she tried it. It was as simple as Spike had said: aim and shoot. Unfortunately, Faye needed to work on the aiming part. But otherwise, it went quite well.

* * *

Ah. Sleep. Known to many as the best part of the day, sleep refreshes the individual for the coming of the next day. It dictates a person's life: eat, work, eat, work, sleep, eat, etc. It's a vicious cycle.

Unfortunately for Spike and Faye, life is a cruel thing. These poor individuals were denied the luxury of sleep for a variety of reasons. Spike soon found out that a woman's _coconuts _are not so amusing when one is trying to sleep. Oh, sure, for sleeping on his back, they were fine. For poking in the shower, they were great. They were not, however, great for sleeping on one's stomach. Every time he attempted to do so, a shock of pain would jolt him awake. Squishing your boobs into the bed is not a comfortable thing, as most females will tell you.

For Faye, sleep didn't come easily either. There was a slight smell in Spike's room that she couldn't quite place—and she was certain she saw some…creatures scuttle across the room in the dark.

And she was pretty sure that she didn't want to know what those…creatures…were.

* * *

"We have another mission, you two…well, actually two people. 100,000 woolongs each. Not bad, eh?" Jet sat down on the couch. "Show them, Ed."

"Okey dokey!" Ed typed on her computer at an alarming speed, considering the fact that she was typing with her feet. A picture of a woman flashed onto the screen.

Jet read the description. "Aminari Akira. She calls herself the 'Temptress.' She lures men into bed, in order to steal their money or any other precious items. After emptying the victim's wallet, pockets, or anything else that may contain anything of value, she kills them. She works for a brothel that's next to a train station."

"Hm…" Faye stared at the screen. "Weird chick."

"Next one, Ed." The sound of typing was heard.

"Takemono Shiro. He's a drug dealer. Sells every drug you can think of on the black market. He also runs a brothel and is constantly on the lookout for new…additions. Akira works for him in his brothel and gives him a percentage of what she steals. Oh, and he normally hangs out around his brothel—you know the one. It's called Takemono's Palace."

Spike and Faye looked at each other.

"I suggest that you each go after one person. Faye, you should go after the drug dealer. You'll have an easy time luring him, since I'm sure he'll think that you would be a great addition to his brothel. Spike, you go after the 'Temptress'. Since you are a man, you'll be a perfect target. Okay? Oh, and you'll have to split the bounty."

Though they both felt a sense of dread, Faye and Spike agreed.

"It shouldn't be hard. They're both in the same area…"

* * *

Faye headed toward the ship dock. _Great. So I get to pretend to be a MAN…for this weirdo slut named Akira, more or less. _She climbed into the cockpit of her ship. 

She absentmindedly began trying to stuff the key into the ignition. _Why won't this dumb thing fit? _Then it dawned on her. She was supposed to be Spike right now, which meant that she was carrying _his_ keys. Great. Lovely. She had to fly the Swordfish.

Apparently, Spike was having the same problems, and, without a word, they both switched ships.

Ah, what a _lovely_ start.

* * *

Looking around the train station, Faye sat down on a bench. Hiding behind a large newspaper, her eyes scanned the crowd looking for the face of…

There. Aminari Akira. Now, all Faye had to do was get her attention. _How do most guys get a woman's attention?_ While still keeping an eye on Akira, who had stopped to flirt with a guy, she thought about it for a moment. _What do most guys do to me? _Then, it hit her. It was so simple. _I have to get close enough to pinch/slap/grope her ass! Easier said than done…_ Faye wrinkled her nose in disgust. I don't know about you, but pinching other people's asses doesn't seem like a very appealing thing to do to me.

Setting down her newspaper, Faye began inching toward her target.

_Dude, this wasn't going to be easy…_

She closed her eyes…

_I'm just going to have to do it!_

Reaching her hand towards Aminari Akira's behind, she slapped it. There.

"What the—" Turning around, Akira stared at Faye for a moment and then smiled a catty smile. "Oh. And who might you be, you sexy beast?"

"Er…"

* * *

_Great._ Spike had just arrived at "Takemono's Palace", and it was safe to say that he didn't like the place one bit.

Jet had said that he didn't have to go _in_ to the brothel. Spike decided that it would be in his best interest just to hang out around the outside. Inside, there was sure to be men in there just waiting to pinch a woman's ass.

Speaking of which—

"ACK! WHAT THE HELL?!" Spike rubbed his butt and turned around to get a good look at the butt-pinching culprit.

Lo and behold, it just happened to be the very man he was searching for: Takemono Shiro. Time to act like a woman.

Pasting a smile which he hoped would pass as sexy, Spike sauntered after Shiro. "Hey, hot-stuff. What's up? Lookin' for a good time?"

Takemono Shiro turned to look at Spike with a lecherous smile on his face. "I could say the same to you, babe. Say, are you working for anyone?"

"Nope…"

"How would you like to work in my brothel?"

"I'd love to, Takem—er, I mean, sir…"

Shiro narrowed his eyes. "I didn't tell you my name yet. So how do you know it?"

_Damn. _"Uh…"

Before Spike could finish his sentence, Takemono broke off into a run. "You're one of them bounty hunters! I can't believe you tracked me down!" Takemono slugged Spike in the face. _Oh, how lovely._ "Hey, you loser! Didn't your mommy ever teach you never to hit girls!?" Spike called after him, getting a good grip on his gun and quickly sprinting after the jerk.

This was where Spike learned a valuable lesson: women don't have it easy—especially when running. Just as he realized that 'coconuts' made sleeping difficult, he also learned that coconuts weren't so convenient for running, either. They bounced just a little too much.

* * *

"Er…my name is…Bob…"

"Wow. What a sexy name, Bob." Akira fingers trailed Faye's face. "Why don't I give you a night to remember, hm? What do you say? I'll make you feel good…"

Inwardly, Faye started to panic. She knew what this woman did for a living to men, and she didn't want to be one of the victims. Besides, getting THIS close to this woman was bad enough. Wanting to end this confrontation as soon as she could, Faye attempted to grab hold of her gun.

"What the HELL?!" Akira yelled as Faye pointed a gun at her. Faye could feel her hand slightly trembling as she held the gun. She didn't know whether the fear came from losing the bounty . . .or losing to Akira.

Akira laughed condescendingly. _Men… always so helpless…__Smirking, _Akira kicked the gun out of Faye's hand before punching her in the face. _That should keep him away for a while . . ._

_Ow__…pain…wait__ a minute -- I'm conscious?!_ Faye quickly opened her eyes just in time to see Akira head straight for an oncoming train. _Oh no my precious bounty-head, there is no way you're getting away from me . . .I don't think Spike will like it if I have to steal his money…again._

Faye leaped to her feet and dashed after Akira. _This is crazy! I'm not going to make it! _She dived for the train, hands outstretched, hoping, praying…

She made it—barely. Her hands caught onto cold metal bars, and she swung her legs over the side.

"Sorry!! Excuse me! Coming through!" Faye yelled, shoving past random people in the car. Within a few minutes, Faye caught a glimpse of Akira up ahead in the next car. Faye burst into the cabin, accidentally tackling a terrified woman. "Argh…sorry…"

Leaping up from the ground quickly, Faye dashed after Akira, who was already moving toward the door to the next cabin. "NO!" Diving after her, Faye caught Akira's ankles. Wobbling slightly, Akira struggled to remain standing—which she finally accomplished.

"Bastard. So you managed to catch up with me—not that it matters. Eat lead, asshole!" Akira yelled. She fired her gun, sending a spray of bullets toward Faye. Quickly rolling out of the way, Faye ducked behind the seats as the screaming passengers clambered to get out of the car. One man fell dead. Catching the body, Faye ran towards Akira, blocking the myriad of bullets that Akira sent towards her.

"Using another person as a shield?!" Akira sneered.

"I'm not the one who killed him!" Faye yelled as she used her shoulder to throw the passenger toward Akira. The impact caught Akira off balance, and she fell. When Akira finally kicked the passenger off, she found herself nose-to-nose with Faye's gun.

* * *

Spike had Takemono cornered. The lecherous idiot had run into a dead end.

"You think you're so clever, don't you? Cornering me like an animal, bounty hunter? Is that the BEST you can do?!" Takemono said, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

Forgetting about his gun and the fact that he was no longer in his own body, Spike launched his favorite attack—kicking first with the right leg and then turning around and letting the left leg make a comeback._ SCORE!_

Spike grinned as a stunned Takemono lay bleeding on the floor.

"Yeah, this _is_ the best I can do," Spike answered smugly, holding his gun to Takemono's head.

* * *

After they had taken both of the criminals to a police station and collected the bounty, Faye and Spike counted their money. There really was nothing to count, as both people were worth exactly the same amount.

"Okay, so you get 100,000 woolongs for Takemono, and I'll get the other 100,000 woolongs for Aminari. Well, that splits evenly…"

"Okay, then…" Spike turned to Faye's ship. "I guess I'll have to fly your piece of junk again…"

Faye snorted. "At least mine has a working radio AND a minibar."

"A minibar?! As in it has liquor?"

"Anyway, are you going back to the Bebop?" Faye asked abruptly, quickly changing the subject. Afraid of what Spike would do if he found her secret stash, Faye decided that it wasn't worth taunting him.

"Nope. I'm going out somewhere to enjoy myself."

Faye shrugged. "Okay. Don't overdo it."

* * *

As Spike landed in another city (which came up on his radar), he realized he had forgotten to ask Faye an important question. This question involved the very lovely topic of the menstrual cycle. Yes, Spike was a little confused on the subject, since he _was_ a guy.

_What is a person to do when blood comes out of…there? Will I become bitchy like Faye does when she's on her period? Sheesh. I hate women—especially PMSing women. I hope this thing is over with before Faye's period starts…_

Shuddering at the very thought of it, Spike walked into a dingy-looking tavern. He needed to forget a few things.

* * *

"Hey Jet. I'm back…" Faye smiled.

"Oh, hello, Spike. Do you know where Faye went?"

"I don't know, and I don't really care. She said she wasn't coming back to the Bebop, though…"

"Oh, okay. What are you going to do?"

"Me? I'm going to take a well-earned nap."

With that, Faye promptly shut the door of Spike's bedroom in Jet's face.

* * *

Spike sat in the tavern, sipping his drink. A sleazy-looking man had served him his drink with a slightly suspicious smile on his face. Spike had just shrugged it off, thinking that the waiter was probably just planning to try and pinch his ass or something—which most men seemed to enjoy doing. He didn't exactly appreciate doing so—not since…—well…he didn't want to think about it.

While sipping his drink, Spike decided that there really was nothing to worry about. How wrong he was. As soon as these thoughts entered his head, his vision began to blur.

"What—" Spike realized too late what was going on. "You—"

The waiter laughed. "Women are so easy to manipulate…"

And everything went black.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Argh…I'm sorry. This chapter _sucks_ compared to Anubis-Shinigami's chapter. Oh well…be happy. It took a lot for me to crank this out. It's definitely not the best, but I can say, at the very least, that I _tried_. Okay? REVIEW! :o) 


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